Not sure what to talk about on a first date? Feel insecure about your ability to carry a conversation?
Or maybe your conversations are surface, superficial, and boring?
You can deeply, authentically, substantially, immediately connect by asking one question: Why?
I’m not asking you a question. Nor am I setting up an answer. “Why?” THAT’S the question.
What’s great about “Why?” is that it’s a question you can tack onto almost any other mundane question and suddenly transform it into something substantive and revealing. Why does he think that way? Why does he feel that way? Why does he have an interest in that topic?
It’s not just about communication, it’s about learning about him… and therefore learning if he’s right for you. And the good news is, at the end of your date he will think you totally “got him” (even if you didn’t) and that you are “so interesting” (even though he did most of the talking).
Why did he feel like you totally got him? It’s not that you were agreeing with him the entire time- because that’s not sexy at all. It’s because you asked questions that allowed him the opportunity to open up, delve deeper into subjects that he might normally not talk about on a date, and maybe even tap into a raw and vulnerable side that he isn’t accustomed to exploring. By asking “why”- in a non-threatening or patronizing way of course, you are expressing true interest.
Why did he feel like you were so interesting? Because the topic was interesting to him and the fact is that people love to hear themselves talk. Of course, you also contributed to the conversation, adding your opinion, related experiences and insight, which further adds to the connection that you formed through the conversation.
What YOU Got Out of “Why?”
More important than both of those benefits though, is what “why” taught you about him. You were able to understand the root of decisions and passions, and the impetus for his interests.
Here are a few examples in which “Why?” completely transforms a surface topic into something that’s revealing:
Why did you decide to be a doctor?
Why do you love romance movies?
Why do you love photography as a hobby?
Why did you decide to move from NY to LA and buy a house neat the ocean?
Why does your family eat tamales on Christmas instead of a traditional turkey or ham?
For more dating advice, visit my dating site ScrewingTheRules.com