by ScrewingTheRules Dating Coach Laurel House
You know me… I’m Laurel House- your Dating Coach and Flirting Expert. Steve Hansen is a Life Coach, Male Mind Expert, Online Dating Profile Photographer, and the “He Said” to my “She Said.” See what we say when it comes to… Moving in with your man.
Moving in with your man is a big step and a major commitment. Regardless of whether it’s after you’ve been together for 3 months or 3 years, and before or after you get married, as exciting and “romantic” as it may be to meld your lives, there are also lots of stressors and triggers that can pop up. You might have to compromise on some things, and simply be understanding of others- choosing which fights are really worth fighting. You are also getting to know each other in a much more “real” way. You will see each other’s not so pretty sides, moods, attitudes, and habits. To minimize the friction caused from uprooting, always remember that you love each other. You are on the same team, working towards a common goal. Make sure to maintain the romance so that you don’t accidentally become just roommates- which takes effort. Sometimes you won’t feel like shaving, putting on makeup, or even having sex. Do it anyway. Not all the time, but enough. Sometimes you will want to throw together a pan of food that has little flavor, lounge around in your ugliest sweats, and pee with the door open. Don’t. There’s a time and a place for everything, and when you’re together, those three things have no place.
Yes she has a lot of shoes, and no, she’s not getting rid of them so don’t bother asking. Moving in together is stressful and regardless of how well you know each other you’ll still find there’s more to learn. Before, you didn’t care that she had twenty pairs of jeans, but now that it directly affects your closet space, you’re a little more invested. Communication is essential to a relationship and even more so when you decide to share the same space. Whether you’re moving to his, hers or a new place consolidating items is an important conversation to have. Talk to each other about the things most important to you and do your best to respectfully accept that these, for the most part, are non-negotiable. The key to making it work is to relinquish the need to control and focus on compromise. Guys put the seat down. Girls don’t expect him to understand “accent pillows.” The goal is to understand each other’s needs, accept them, and move forward together through compromise.
When it comes to moving in together, here are some interesting facts according toApartment List:
* When you know, you know!A majority of couples that live together (63 %) moved in together within 1 year from when they started dating.
–34% of couples that live together moved in LESS THAN 6 MONTHS from when they started dating.
* When asked what the #1 amenity is when it comes to cohabitation, 62% of women agreed that it is plenty of closet space – no surprise there. What was surprising is that the majority of men agreed!
–47% of male respondents cited closet space above multiple bathrooms, a King sized bed, more than one TV and even the stereotypical “man cave.”
* Men and women agree to disagree on household chores, citing this as the #1 reason for spats with a live-in partner.
–53% of women and 41% of men polled, agreed that chores around the house such as making the bed, doing laundry/dishes, etc., cause more fights than hair in the drain, toilet seat wars, remote control issues, mismatched sleep schedules, decorating or splitting household costs.
–80% more women think “toilet seat wars” are an issue than men.
* It’s essential to maintain some independence, despite living in the same space.
–As a couple falls into a routine as one, personal space can often be overlooked. If you see someone just about every single day, at some point or another you’ll need some time apart – whether that be spent with friends or taking solo time to focus on your personal interests. Never underestimate the importance of maintaining your independence and continuing to grow as an individual – your significant other was attracted to you in the first place after all!
–A little hint of the unexpected can go so far and shows that you care, whether it entails bringing home flowers, your significant other’s favorite food or even planning a surprise trip.
So what do you outfit your new place with?
Julia Blythe, a television Art Director and Set Designer on several popular network shows, helped add a little romance to Steve and my new home, while keeping functionality and compromise in mind. She reminded me that “just because you are making some major changes in your life, doesn’t mean you have to make a major dent into your bank account in order to decorate the place. After all, remember that finances are one of the main stressors and fights in a relationship…” She helped us find some amazing deals on seriously high quality goods online. Here are a few of our faves and exactly what we got to design our first home together:
Furniture of America Grove Entertainment Cabinet: Black color and metal handles say it’s masculine enough for a giant TV, but the rounded contemporary design makes it appeal to her as well.
Chai Microsuede Sofa Bed: This sofa is ideal for a small space and not only allows the two of you to cuddle up together but also converts into a convenient bed for family and friends staying the night.
“You Are My Sunshine Pillow“: Everyone remembers this song from their childhood making it a nice accent both can enjoy.
Safavieh Lamar Taupe Headboard: A very neutral headboard is great so he doesn’t have to sleep under a canopy every night.
Inspire Q Neo Espresso Accent Table with X Leg Nightstand: It’s not too ornate to be super feminine so he likes it and the silver accents will keep her happy as well.
Rover Coffee Table: It may be pretty but it’s also solid enough to kick your feet up and relax at the end of the day.
Matrix Rug: The red and white pattern says “love” without being overly feminine so both of you can appreciate what it brings to the room.
Light Ball: They create an inviting atmosphere to relax and entertain in the comfort of your own space.
Bamboo Dry Erase Board: A dry erase board is always a great place for to do’s and keeping each other updated on things like grocery lists.
FlashXpress™ Toaster Oven with Double Infrared Heating: It’s great for heating up a slice of pizza without drying it out and cooks in a fraction of the time as a microwave.
3 Blade Wet/Dry Shaver: Every guy needs a great razor and this one allows for the best of both worlds and on the go.
Jet Force Bagless Pet Friendly Vacuum: You’ll both appreciate the power behind this upright vacuum especially if you have bare floors or pets.
Nespresso Vertuo-Line: An amazing cup of coffee or espresso from the same machine is the ultimate in convenience and saves you both valuable time during your morning scrambling.
Beats By Dre: Sometimes you both need to escape to your own world and a pair of headphones will allow you the headspace to do exactly that.
Ampersand: ”&” says a lot. PB&J, Love & Marriage, Chicken & Waffles, You & Me… Each is amazing on its own, but even better together! The ampersand embodies partnership and as a Dating Coach I am all about it! & = <3
Welcome home… well, to our home.
xx Laurel and Steve
Laurel House is an international Dating Coach and Flirting Expert, MTV’s MADE “It Girl” Mentor, 4x published Lifestyle Author, and a go-to Expert on E! News. She recently completed her 5th book “Screwing The Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love,” which will be released in December 2014 with Running Press.
With over 12 million views on YouTube, Laurel has created a platform to deliver dating and healthy lifestyle tips to the masses. Her dating tips appear on CupidsPulse.com, YourTango.com, SheKnows, DigitalRomance.com, FabFitFun.com, and a lot more. Because of her edgy, honest, and wide-ranging advice, she is often referred to as the modern-day Ann Landers (and sometimes the writer version of Taylor Swift).