I’m about to get very vulnerable with you. Because I want you to feel comfortable being vulnerable with me. I want you to know that I’m not perfect- obviously. The concept that there might be some misconceptions about it never even came close to dawning on me until I was coaching at a dating event with 200 women and several of them came up to me and told me that they had been watching me for the past few days and were intimidated to come up to me and ask for advice because I seemed like I had my shit too together, that my life appeared perfect, and that I probably have never had to grapple with physical insecurities. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was also hurt. The reason being that I am far from perfect. Many of the lessons I teach in my dating coaching come from revelations about my own mistakes. The last thing I want to do is come across as un-relatable. Because I truly am, in many ways, just like you. I have insecurities, I emotionally beat myself up, and there are tons of things that I would change about myself- inside and out.
And because in my coaching I believe in walking the walk, talking the talk and leading by example, I realized that I really needed to have a “come to Jesus” moment with some of the emotional abusers in my mind. So I decided to strip down and be photographed. Below is a bit of an article that is currently on YourTango.com- one of the most read women’s online magazines in the country with over 11 million monthly unique visitors. I decided to be vulnerable and put my insecurities on display in order to help me overcome them, and so that you can see that no matter how “perfect” someone may seem, we all struggle with many of the same bullshit.
In the end, my boudoir photo shoot allowed me to not just see beauty (though in the photos I definitely did). It was an environment in which I could simultaneously be vulnerable and confident. Within that space, on those sheets, in that sexy outfit, with my hair and makeup done- my true radiance was revealed- and it had nothing to do with my face.
Read the tease, then follow this link to finish the article… xx
Despite the fact that I used to write for Playboy, FHM, and Men’s Journal, I used to totally freak out when I would see my guy “reading” those magazines. Of course he “bought it for the articles” but each time his eyes grazed over the photos of the scantily clad models, actresses and “regular girls,” I would instantly feel ill with thoughts of “I’m not good enough.” “My thighs are too fat,” “my butt isn’t firm enough,” “I wish my breasts were as beautiful as hers,” “I don’t think he’s attracted to me… why would he be?”
Most of the comments I kept to myself as they played like a torturous broken record in my head, but sometimes the thoughts bubbled up and exploded like tar all over him as I assaulted him with my insecurity. I wished I could be as beautiful and sexy as those women because I wanted him to stare at my body like he did at theirs. But more than that, I wished I felt as beautiful and sexy as those women looked.
Now, as a dating coach, I hear from thousands of women who reveal their own bodily insecurities. What’s most interesting though is that no matter how “perfect” someone appears to be, almost every woman has something that she hates about her body. And it’s often times the women who appear most “perfect” who put the most pressure on themselves to embody perfection, and therefore fixate on the most seemingly minute and practically unnoticeable flaws. Those women often lose themselves in the attempt to maintain this perception of “perfect.”
Let me let you in on a secret: you’re the only one who notices those flaws about yourself… that is until you point them out to everyone else. Tearing yourself apart is not only destroying your sense of self, which can lead to insecurities, eating disorders, and worse; it can also destroy your relationship. So stop obsessing over the little things (or even the big things) that aren’t your idea of perfect, and start noticing the many more things that are amazing about you. Can’t see them? Then I am going to suggest you do something that might seem counterintuitive, scary, and even drastic. Strip down and be photographed.