This is your year for love! So get out of your box and open your heart. Here are 7 New Years Resolutions that will help you find love this year:
1. CHANGE YOUR MIND AND YOUR HEART AND LIFE WILL FOLOW
Don’t “try” to enjoy yourself. Don’t “try” to get out of your box. Just do it. Make a decision. “Trying” is a pre-emptive excuse for failure or not doing it at all. Do your best. Have zero excuses. If you don’t find success, make a midcourse correction and try a different tact. Keep at it until you do find success.
2. PUT OUT THE OLD FLAMES AND LIGHT A NEW FIRE
It’s time to clear out old flames and residual baggage! Out with the old and in with the new, attractive and incredibly exciting. Think about who in your life have you been holding onto for really no reason at all? Who doesn’t serve you anymore? Who is more of a burden? Who transformed from being a crush to just a crutch? Who makes you feel used? Who is just a booty call to you (or you are to them)? Think about… is being a booty call serving me? Is it hurting me?
You’ve heard the saying that you can’t open a new door until the old door is shut. Time to clear those closets of old baggage and refresh your love life. Why? Because you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. You deserve to love and be loved. Starting now!
3. GET A MIRROR
If you can’t figure out why you keep attracting these guys who are manic, obsessive, partiers, workaholics or lacking drive and direction, look in the mirror. The people you attract are often a reflection of yourself, a mirror image. Think about if you really want a mirror image of you. Would you date yourself? Fix yourself first. Then you’ll attract a great guy- just as great as you.
4. GET CLEAR ON YOUR CORE VALUES
Before you are truly ready to find the right guy for you, you first have to take a real, deep, hard, honest look at yourself. Who you are? What’s most important to you? Where do you stand when it comes to priorities in life? What do you stand for? …your Core Values- the values that you will not budge on. They are your foundation. Once you are clear on that, then you will better be able to decipher if your potential guy’s beliefs align with yours, if you stand on the same ground.
5. GET A LIFE
You complete me is horseshit. You don’t want him to be the center of your universe. And he doesn’t want to be that either. “But every guy wants to be doted on by their partner…” you think. Well doting is one thing. Needy and having your world revolve around his is another. Not to mention that it’s a lot of pressure! And it’s anything but sexy.
So what is sexy? Having a life. In other words…:
-You’re busy, driven, self-sufficient, and autonomous with your own interests.
-You’re interesting. You have things going on that contribute to high-quality conversations.
-You have something to contribute to the relationship.
How do you get a life? By expanding your interests. Taking classes. Getting gout of your box. Trying 1 thing new every single day. Find your passion. Take up a hobby that excites you. Become excited about your career again. As Katy Perry says: “Stand for something, or you will fall for everything.”
6. GET OUT THERE!
- Gym junkie? Get outside and learn something new: hike, walk the boardwalk, go to the ice rink, join a snow-shoeing meet-up group. Work different muscles and have an open heart. Sweating together has been shown to initiate chemistry.
- Instead of going to the bar where “everyone knows your name,” try a new place. Talk to people. Ask questions as if you’re a tourist–we tend to be more social when on vacation.
- Take a class in a topic that doesn’t interest you. Intimidated by technology? Go to the Apple store and take one of their group classes. Enroll in a CPR class. Try a cooking workshop. Have a positive attitude and be open to learning (and meeting someone).
- Talk about what you know. Wine snob? Go to a big wine store and walk around perusing the bottles. If you see a potential partner who looks lost or confused, offer some suggestions.
7. GET ONLINE
If you’ve never done it, you might be intimidated by it. If you’ve done it and had a bad experience with it, you might be repelled by it. If you believe that the best way to meet your Mr Right is “naturally” where you will have a better gauge of your chemistry before committing to a date, you might be dismissive of it.
… Get over it.
Online dating doesn’t have to be scary, confusing, or overwhelming if you select the right online dating website for you, and maybe even have a friend who has done it (or me) walk you through the process so you don’t feel alone and you understand the ins and outs.
Each online dating site has its own style, attracts a certain type of person, and handles matchmaking differently. If you had a bad experience on one because you were immediately bombarded by dozens of winks, likes, pokes, and IMs within minutes… choose a site that doesn’t allow that sort of initial uncontrolled communication.
If you had a bad experience in that you met a guy who didn’t make sense for you, who lied about his age or looks, or who was just a jerk… that happens in the “real” world of dating too.
If you find online dating fake and can’t see how chemistry can be felt online- you’re right, you won’t know if you truly have chemistry until you are in each other’s presence, but the great thing is that you have the opportunity to be exposed to many more people who you can pre-qualify through strategic questions to make sure that the other elements besides chemistry align with what you’re looking for before ever giving out your personal information or committing to a date. In the real world you might experience that initial hit of initial chemistry when you happen upon each other at a bar or supermarket checkout line, but you have no idea who he is, all you know is that you want him- whoever “him” is.
In addition to all of the above, online dating gives you the opportunity to date- a lot! Translation: practice makes perfect right? PLUS You will develop an Attitude of Abundance- possibly the most powerful tool.
EXTRA REWARD: GET AN ATTITUDE OF ABUNDANCE
Even if you aren’t dating several guys and you really don’t have any other viable prospects, you still need to have an attitude of abundance. The operative word being “attitude.” This is about putting off the energy that, while you think this guy is fantastic and you truly do hope it works with him, there truly are plenty of fish in the sea and you can easily pull another guy just as great or better than he is if need be. An attitude of abundance is an attitude of confidence. It’s a knowing that you are a valuable commodity. Yes- you are worth something. As is your time and the energy that you put into the moment of being on this date. To clarify: an attitude of abundance is not an attitude of arrogance. It is not about juggling, screwing, messing with, or being careless with multiple minds and hearts. Sure you might be dating multiple people at once, but the purpose is to become clear with what you need and want in a partner, honing in, then making a choice. After all, how can you make a selection if you don’t have any options?
For personalized dating coaching, contact me at Laurel@LaurelHouse.com and we will figure out the best coaching program to help you find love in 2014