You’ve been playing the field for a while now and you finally met someone who you think has real potential. He seems different from the others. You have great chemistry, he makes you laugh, your conversations are engaging… You agree to be exclusive, cut the line with all of the other guys you were persuing, even ended it with the men on the burner. Still, you have been down this road before and as soon as the façade is dropped and he reveals his real side, suddenly this match seems less made in heaven and more made in momentary fantasy.
Instead of wasting time waiting until the other shoe drops or he lets down his guard and exposes his true colors, create an environment that encourages transparency- one that isn’t about being “on” all the time, but is instead about being real. Go on vacation. You learn A LOT about a person when traveling together:
-What are their habits?
-How high maintenance are they?
-How long does it take them to get ready?
-Are they moody in the morning?
-If things don’t go their way, do they freak out?
-How do they treat servers, housekeepers, bellmen?
-Do they have manners?
-Do they get easily annoyed?
-Are they adventurous?
-Do you have a similar rhythm?
-Do you have similar styles of communication?
-Are they cheap?
-Do you have things to talk about?
-Are they emotionally supportive and nurturing if you get scared?
-Can they go with the flow?
-Do you balance each other out?
-etc etc etc.
I call it a Make or a Break. Go out of town together and you’ll immediately know if this relationship has potential (if it’s a make) or not (if it’s a break). This isn’t about having sex. If you’re not there yet- no problem! Sleep in separate beds, or rooms even! This is about spending extended time together and getting to know each other on a level that usually takes months to experience.
Watch this video to learn more…
So where do you go?
You want to go somewhere that is far enough away to really feel like you are out of town. You want to get away from your daily life, giving you the opportunity to truly focus on each other.
However, you don’t want to go so far that, if it’s a break, the trip home is loooong and uncomfortable.
If you live in Los Angeles, for example:
-Where: Santa Barbara.
Why? Relaxing. Wine Country.
Distance: 1.5 hours away. Take the train or drive.
What to Do: Enjoy nearby wine country, walks along State Street, exploring the beautiful homes in the Riviera area, visiting the Lotusland gardens, walks along the ocean, and dining on fresh seafood on the pier.
Where to Stay: Hotel Santa Barbara, Simpson House B&B, Canary Hotel, El Encanto (though it’s SUPER expensive), or any other hotel that’s walking distance to lower State Street
-Where: Palm Springs
Why? Detoxing. Decompressing. Sun bathing.
Distance: 3 hours
What to Do: Layout by the pool, drink fruity drinks, hike, enjoy the healing natural hot springs, play golf.
Where to Stay: Two Bunch Palms (hot springs hotel), Le Parker Meridian, Viceroy, Ace Hotel, The Willows
OR do what I did and go to:
-Where: Catalina Island
Distance: 1.5 hours by boat- Catalina Express
What to Do: Zip Line Eco Tour, Journey to Frog Rock guided Eco Kayaking, relax at Descanso Beach Club, Massages in the cabana at Descanso Beach Club, behind the scenes Casino Tour, dine at Bluewater Avalon (on the water and super romantic) and Avalon Grille (voted one of America’s beat beach bars by Travel + Leisure).
Where to Stay: Pavilion Hotel. It’s the best. You get complimentary breakfast in the morning and wine & cheese in the afternoon.