Just because it’s a “Summer love,” doesn’t mean it has to end in the Fall. Turn a hot beachy romance into an enduring relationship by getting raw, dropping the pretense and being true to yourself. Tear down those walls and let true love in!
It’s easy to find a hot chick, a wealthy guy, someone who has a nice car, a good job, a quick wit, someone who makes you laugh. You know what’s hard to find? Someone who you connect with on a deep level, someone who you are comfortable with, who calms you, who challenges you and uplifts you- someone who gets you. In order to find that, you have to be real. The summer is the perfect opportunity to do that.
What’s great about summer love is that your inhibitions are down, your energy is up and the heat is on. You are also more available to be vulnerable and get raw- in the emotional sense. You are feeling free’er, you aren’t as stressed, some of your walls have come down- melted down in the heat, especially if you are on vacation or if you are taking a little mental vacation by going to the beach. That’s the perfect opportunity to meet someone and be yourself- your real self. No facade, no walls, no front.
You’re open and real. The trick is to find someone else who is also open and real so that you can get to know them in that stripped down state. Relationships that end up ending quickly are often built on superficial grounds: He’s so hot, I love his car, look at her body!, he’s hysterical, she’s so much fun. You fall in love with that, not them. If you want to build a love that lasts, think about a skyscraper. If you build a building and just goes from the ground up, without digging down and creating a foundation first, it is more likely to fall down. Same goes for relationships. Go down before you go up. Sure, he looks hot in a bathing suit, but that’s not enough of a reason to hook up. What else is there to him? Who is he really? Can you have a conversation of substance? Try to understand who they are as a human being. What are their core values? Do their core values align with your core values? When you expose and express your true self, when you open yourself up and you are vulnerable, often times the other person mirrors the same vulnerability back.
I’LL SHOW YOU MINE. THEN YOU SHOW ME YOURS.
You are setting the standard, establishing the expectation, and creating a safe space for honesty. Often times women allow the guy to set the tone. We follow how he communicates with us. Why? You can set the tone and still be sweet. You can show how you want to communicate and still be soft and feminine and loving and make him feel like he is in the lead. Share something about yourself, how you feel about it, maybe something you’re not so proud of but you learned a lesson and you’re better and wiser now because of it. When you are vulnerable, they will be too. Your conversation will be more layered and interesting. If you go deep, they will go deep. They will tell you a story that is equally substantive. Then you are creating a connection that is deep, not superficial. And that’s how to create a stronger foundation.
If you are on vacation and you meet some fantastic person and you know that you have to leave in a few weeks but you want to see if you could possibly maintain the relationship, here are a few things to do:
Be Honest. Put Yourself Out There First:
Say “I love this, I would love to continue this. How can we keep this going? Do you feel the same way?” You are putting yourself out there and being honest. Now it’s their turn to be honest. But be prepared: they may not feel the same way. But what if they do? Stop thinking about the bad things that could happen. Think about all of the good things that could happen.
Reveal Your Non-starters. If you see real potential, that includes having conversations about real topics- like how you see your future. So for example if you want to have children and that’s very important to you, you should bring it up. But you don’t do it in a demanding way- “I want to have kids and if you don’t want to, then screw you.” Instead, talk about it through a story: “It’s so fun watching those kids at the beach. I am excited about when I get to have children. I think I am going to be an amazing mom. Have you ever thought about having kids?”
Have Substantive Conversations. Don’t just talk about how beautiful the beach is and what party you should go to tonight. Enrich your vacation by talking about things that matter to you.
Vacationing in a Foreign Place? Dating a local? Use this as an opportunity to learn about their culture, where they come from. That can add to the spice and intrigue and opportunity to learn.
Because a summer love can last a lifetime.