contributed by Bess Devenow- “Counterculture” Expert
A wise woman once told me (and proceeded to keep telling me when I ignored her countless times) that I should never confuse potential and present reality.
More specifically, she meant that when we reach a certain stage in our dating where we are ready to do the work to achieve what Laurel so aptly called a “deep guttural love”, we need to evaluate our prospects by who they are in the present, not who we hope they can be one day.
Even if you do find someone whose willing to change to fit some mold of what you think is the perfect partner, this will not only create resentment from your SO (significant other) but unless he/she is built from Tussaud quality wax, that statue will warp and crack with time.
I’ve been on the other side too and nothing to me was less acceptable than a guy telling me I’d be the perfect woman if I… (wore pearls and seersucker, was 10 pounds thinner, “dumbed” myself down a bit, didn’t have a tattoo, etc).
We’ve all heard it more times than we care to count but timing really does play a crucial role in the settling down process. I look back at some of the guys I dated when I was younger, and I never thought they’d be the one I’d marry or have a family with and they probably felt the same way about me. And you know what? That was okay at the time.
But when your end goal is less of the instant gratification/short term varietal…
I know this might sound counterintuitive, but don’t feel like you need to pounce on the first guy that comes in your path, especially if he’s still in love it and leave it or hyper critical mode.
He may not kiss you awake from a 100 year slumber or go door to door till he finds the owner of the lone glass slipper (insert minor fairytale snark).
But, if you start putting the energy out there that “Mr. Right Now” simply isn’t cutting it anymore and are looking for a partner you accept in their present state, your horizons will brighten and if chivalry is your jam, doors will literally open for you.