When It's Time to Break Your Own Heart

I was a guest writer for Zooey Magazine! No need to squint… you can read the text below.

Love is easy. Relationships take work. And, sometimes, they just aren’t working. Never will. No matter how deeply you love the guy- to the depths of your soul, with each breath you take, if you could drink him you would, he is like a drug. You crave him, but he’s killing you. You’re in a bad relationship. And that’s when it’s time to break up. But that’s what can be the most torturous because you are breaking your own heart. It feels like your heart is splitting in two, even though you’re the one pulling from the relationship.

Being in a bad relationship can lead to depression, a lifetime of insecurities, unhealthy behaviors and thoughts, and a temporary loss of self. Leaving might make you miss his smile… but really, you miss yours more. It’s time to walk away. Run if you think it’s necessary. Change your number, have his emails forwarded elsewhere, block him on Facebook if you have to. Stop following his tweets. Don’t drive or walk by his house. Cut him out- cold turkey. Eventually your love will fade and you’ll stop thinking about him every minute. Then one day you’ll realize that you didn’t think about him for days. And soon he fades away…

It’s a little like exercising when you so don’t want to: one more day of exercising, is one less day of being overweight, is one day closer to reaching your goal.

The same situation applies with separations: one less day of being together, is one more day closer to being happy. Remember (very true cliché): when one door shuts, another door opens.

How do you know you’re in a bad relationship?

You feel like you’re suffocating.

You feel more lonely when you’re with him, than you do when you’re alone.

He is possessive of you in an unhealthy way.

He doesn’t celebrate your accomplishments, but would rather one up you instead.

He puts you down when you’re with other people and makes you feel like an idiot.

You’re afraid that he will get mad at you when you talk to or hang out with your friends, so you feel like you have to lie.

He checks your phone because he is convinced that you are cheating- but you aren’t.

He is physically or emotionally abusive.

You don’t like who you are when you’re with him.

You can’t remember the last time you smiled.

5 Steps to Stop Obsessing Over Him

  1. Block him on Facebook so he can’t check your wall. But more than that, so you can’t check his.
  2. Stop following his tweets. He likely will be targeting some toward you, giving you little jabs by talking about other girls, mentioning some of your favorite things, or discreetly inviting you over just to see if you will fold.
  3. Reconnect with your friends and the people who love you in a healthy way.
  4. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good every day- be it a refrigerator facial, a tennis ball massage, take a bath, 5 minutes of yoga, or just painting your nails. Remember how good it feels to feel good.
  5. Explore a passion that you never had time for because you were too busy wasting your time with him. Take a weekly hip hop class. Buy a fab cook book and create a delish weekly meal for yourself, or with a girlfriend. Buy a 1-month yoga class pass (if you buy in bulk, you are more likely to go… even if you’re feeling bummed and not in the mood).


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