Managing your man is an essential, yet under-acknowledged component to a successful, long-lasting, happy relationship. Sure, “managing” sounds harsh, but I’m not talking “man handling” your man. Think about managing as a more strategic approach- not conniving, but smart and based on your specific guy’s personality, soft spots, and Achilles heel. It’s about picking up on the subtleties that have huge affects, then discretely using them to your advantage. You may not even know it, but you already have a tool box full of management skills that help you get your way, or just diffuse an emotional eruption.
Not sure what I’m talking about? Management can take many forms:
The “sweet and innocent” voice, the “purr,” the “hold back the tears and speak with authority” voice, you know what I am talking about. Slightly altering your tone can make all the difference when it comes to maintaining the health and happiness of your relationship.
Think about the Sex and the City episode when Charlotte noticed that, by placing her hand on her then fiancé Trey McDougal’s arm he suddenly became completely agreeable (a trick she picked up by watching his meddling mother Bunny do the tactic).
Instead of saying “I want you to do this,” you re-frame and say “It would make me so happy if you did this,” or instead of saying “I need you to finally put that damn window in!” re-frame to say “It is so sexy when you do ‘manly’ stuff around the house, like putting the window in…”
This one can be a toughie, but if you look at your relationship like a bank account, sometimes you make deposits and sometimes you make withdraws, but at the end of the day both you and your partner should be about even, consider compromises as deposits. SO the concept here is that if you make a compromise by doing something he really wants to do, making sure (but not overtly so in a nagging annoying way) he is aware that you are doing this for him, then he does something for you.
In other words: do something to humor him. For example, if he is really into football, learn the basics of the game then humor him and sit and watch it one Sunday afternoon- and actually show interest.
Sounds superficial? Conniving? It’s not. It’s just smart. It’s strategic. It’s doing some serious thinking and realizing and incorporating of the things that make him happy. It’s also a way to make sure that you aren’t taken advantage of, that your relationship stays in balance, and that you are both happy. Men tend to be more business minded in all things. Women tend to be more heart and emotion oriented. Managing your man is merely a way to put yourself a bit more in his game. So that you can play on the same team.