As college women and men, we have certain unalienable rights. The right to roll out of bed 5 minutes before class. The right to stay up until 3 a.m. watching YouTube when we should be studying. The right to party, and party hard. And inevitably, the right to mess up.
Everyone needs a little help when it comes to dealing with sticky situations, thus, I have been sent to you to provide tips and tricks to deal with the messes you’ve made and put bandages over your bad decisions.
THE MESS UP
You slept with your best friend. ‘Twas the night of the 80’s party, and all through the fraternity house, not a creature was sober, not even the weird kid you dated freshman year and ended up dumping because he couldn’t go shot for shot with you.
Before you know it, you’re in your best friend’s room, ripping off your fluorescent windbreaker and taking off your fanny pack, in order to cram into his extra-long twin bed. You wake up in the morning, cold, naked, and facing the fact that you might have not only burned a bridge, but doused it with gasoline before setting the whole damn thing aflame. You’ve never had any intentions of hooking up and you’ve been strictly friends for as long as you can remember. You don’t want to ruin the friendship, but once you’ve slept with a friend, some boundaries have been stepped over and some signals might get crossed. You’re probably left thinking, “well, what do I do now?”
Don’t fret, my collegiate friend—we’ve all been there. Er, well, many of us have been there. A few quick tips to cool things down, and we can pretend this never happened.
THE FIX UP
Don’t freak out. First off, the most important thing is to stay calm. If you freak out, it’ll add unnecessary hype and stress to the situation. If you are truly best friends you should feel comfortable with one another, right? Freaking out has a domino effect, and do you really want to clean that shit up once you’ve knocked it over?
Keep it lighthearted. Okay, sex is kind of a serious thing, but that doesn’t mean you have to approach the topic so seriously. If you dread the idea of having a conversation with the solemnity of a colon exam about it, start out with a joke. Like, ‘thank God we used protection, because I would never want my child to have your (insert undesirable trait here)’ and then proceed to laugh for about a minute. Who doesn’t like a good joke about ugly babies? Not only will this relieve some of the tension, but it will open the floor for discussion.
Be the first to address it. Bring it up immediately. Like, no-time-to-even-get-out-of-bed-and-brush-your-teeth immediately. If you’re still naked, you might want to put some clothes on. Nudity may be a little distracting during a sex talk. It may be a little daunting to be so confrontational but it will pay off in the long run. Most importantly it will avoid creating that awkward feeling where both of you know exactly what happened but kind of dance around the subject. Both of you are (well, should be) adults about it and you shouldn’t act like nothing happened, because obviously, things could get kind of weird if 5 days down the road one of you says, “oh, by the way, uh, remember when we slept together the other day…” By addressing it, you’re actualizing that it happened and taking control of the situation.
Make your feelings clear. It has pretty much been proven that guys and girls tend to blur the ‘just friends’ line from time to time. Not wanting to jeopardize the friendship, explain that you don’t want things to change between the two of you (should’ve thought of that one earlier, huh?). There’s nothing worse than a mixed message. So find a nice way to say, “hey, I know I slept with you, which platonic friends normally don’t do, but I don’t like you like that. Like, at all.” If that’s truly how you feel, don’t be afraid to express it. Everyone appreciates a little truth now and then. Also make sure to gauge your friend’s feelings on the matter, so it doesn’t feel so one-sided.
Keep it to yourself. Let’s be honest. Everyone loves a good rumor—especially the ones that are true, but who actually likes when shit hits the fan and the whole campus knows exactly which pair of underwear you were wearing that night? Have a talk with your friend about keeping this on the down low. If you all respect one another this won’t be a problem. If it slips out, any person you try to date in the future might not feel comfortable with you still being good friends with someone whom you’ve fucked, for lack of a better word. For the sake of your reputation, zip it.
Go to brunch. After waking up and having this discussion, you’re probably hungry. And what better way to reward yourself for being communicative than with a heaping stack of pancakes from the campus cafeteria. You deserve it friend-fucker.